How to Build a healthy multicultural long distance relationship
So many find the idea of a long distance partner, and one of a completely different culture, to be like a fairytale. Yet not many have the patience to go the long run for their online partner.
Noone thinks about the challenges that come with multicultural long distance relationships. And there are plenty of challenges that are completely unique to multicultural long distance relationships, trust me.
In order to not just survive these challenges, but also thrive in a completely online relationship, you need to know how to properly deal with these hurdles.
You are not alone.
First and foremost, you need to go into this knowing you are not the first person to be in a multicultural long distance relationship.
While there’s not a lot of information on the internet under this topic, that does not mean that all relationships that fall under these categories fail. It’s simply uncommon, especially since most people don’t take them very seriously.
Even in the 21st century where everyone has online friendships, it’s rare to find a serious online relationship. And even more rare for it to be in a serious multicultural long distance relationship.
Alas, with so few people taking these relationships seriously, most advice on the internet sounds more dooming than it feels uplifting.
I’m here to tell you this:
You and your partner are the only ones who get to decide where you take this relationship.
It’s completely up to you.
However, if you want a devoted and long lasting multicultural long distance relationship, here are some helpful tips for building a strong foundation.
From a couple who has lived it before...
After two years of long distance, and having never met before, we’ve dealt with many similar issues as most couples in these circumstances. What made us last the distance is our openness to solve these problems, becoming more open minded to each other, and being willing to learn and move forward.
Long distance is hard for most couples. Long distance with an online partner is even more challenging if you’ve never met them in real life. And to add on top of all that, we come from completely different countries and completely different cultures.
It’s not an easy flight here and there. It’s thousands of dollars of flight tickets, visas, and more than 8,000 miles of distance. And that’s just the beginning.
Despite all these challenges that normal couples don’t have to deal with, we wish more multicultural long distance couples could last the distance like we did with grace and confidence.
Live the most romantic love story of all time and just go for it.
Major challenges in online long distance relationships
The biggest issues with multicultural long distance relationships are of course the insecurities and misunderstandings. You have to replace these feelings with an unwavering faith and trust for your online partner no matter how hard it is.
These misunderstandings all originate from not spending enough time with your online partner.
Finding time to spend with each other is probably the biggest challenge, especially being in different time zones. You have to be able to live your own life, so you can’t be on the phone 24/7 (says the couple who kept a phone call going for 3 months without hanging up). But you also have to make sacrifices to spend more time with your online partner.
The Ultimate Guide to Safe Online Long Distance Relationships
In this digital age, finding love online is not uncommon. It’s the easiest way to meet potential love interests and friends online, and almost everyone uses it. But still most give up and lose trust in their online relationships.
It is possible to find a real authentic and genuine love online. We’ve done it, and many others have too. Having faith in yourself and your partner is the only thing that will keep you together. Learn to fight for your relationship, as it has the potential to be the strongest relationship out there.
Building a strong foundation for a healthy relationship
Building a foundation for your multicultural long distance is not just crucial for the present, as it will become a cornerstone for even when you do finally close the distance. If both partners are devoted and ready to strengthen the partnership, be aware of the common challenges and know how to resolve them.
How to deal with the challenges in a multicultural long distance relationship:
1) Adjusting to the culture
Adjusting to each other’s culture and understanding it, is the most important factor for building a strong foundation. If you don’t understand your partner’s culture and if you can’t accept or adapt to the culture, then how can you have any respect for the culture? And if you can’t respect it, you most certainly can’t respect the other person. Your partner is rooted in their culture, it’s who they are, and if you can’t be open minded to that, how will you ever truly understand them?
2) Finding a balance in life
You need to find a balance with the real world and time with your online partner. While it’s challenging to be away from them, spending too much time on the phone can be restricting. You need to spend time with family and friends, as well as pursue your own personal interests all the while.
Our own personal solution was to stay on a phone call pretty much the majority of the time. That sounds the opposite of finding balance right?
However, I believe you can still enjoy life, while being on a phone call with your online partner. The difference is, if you’re spending so much time with your online partner with full attention, you’ll never be able to connect with the real world.
If you treat it as if your partner is with you, you can pursue your own hobbies while being silent on the phone. It’s better to be with your partner than to spend time without them (where mistrust and misunderstandings begin). As long as you’re not uptight about always wanting your partner’s attention, let yourselves just enjoy life together.
3) Time Zones
This is a rather easy solution. Make sure you know each other’s schedules and respect each other’s time. Always prioritize your time together. Keep your partner in the know of what you’re doing or where you are going. This communication is the best thing you can do when you’re in a long distance relationship. It’s also extremely important to respect each other’s sleep schedules. Be aware of what time it is for the other person by keeping a clock with their time zone on your phone.
4) Communication
Whatever you do not have in your online relationship, which is lacking in quite a lot of ways in comparison to a normal relationship, you have to make up for that with communication. You don’t get to see each other all the time, you’re not physically together, and you can’t express affection the same way as you do in person. All of this makes communication a high priority, or else nothing will hold you two together. Building a strong foundation with communication and overcoming language barriers (even if they’re fluent in your language there’s still plenty that could be misunderstood by the use of language) is crucial.
5) Language Barriers
Speaking of language barriers, this needs to be a topic in itself to be discussed. As I said before, fluency does not equate to complete and easy communication. There are still plenty of cultural differences where your behavior and choice of language and expression cannot be understood among other cultures or may even appear rude. This is basic travel 101.
You should understand how your partner communicates and why they communicate the way that they do, as it is all part of understanding their culture and background.
Always keep the language barrier in mind before being overly sensitive, as it’s never easy translating exact feelings from one language to another. Especially when it comes to love, as every culture expresses these feelings differently in their language. Some languages just have way better romantic words in their vocabulary than others like English, which lacks a lot when it comes to descriptive feeling.
6) Keeping in the know
Alway keep updated with what’s happening in your partner’s life. Just like in normal relationships, being aware of where your partner is and what they’re up to is very important for building trust and knowing your partner. It’s not that you wouldn’t trust your partner otherwise, it just shows how much you know your partner. And with online relationships, this is very important.
If your partner has no care in the world where you are or what you’re doing, how is that a relationship? In an online relationship you need to stay connected to your partner in every way possible. To build that healthy foundation for a multicultural long distance relationship, you really need to know what’s going on in each other’s lives to fill out those communication gaps.
7) Supporting each other’s emotional needs
Of course in an online relationship you’re going to have to make up for the fact that you are not physically there for each other. Supporting each other’s emotional needs is vital to keeping your relationship strong and healthy. How do you handle moments of doubt and insecurity in your relationship? How do you handle communicating while being in two completely different environments?
The reality is, being in two completely different places and two completely different time zones is going to screw with your moods and emotions. While one partner may be feeling energetic at one point of the day, the other will feel exhausted as it’s the end of the day, and both feel a sense of imbalance.
Sometimes your partner doesn’t have the energy to communicate the emotions that you want to hear. It’s not that they don’t want to express their feelings to you, it’s simply that you two are living in completely different environments and the mismatching energies is something you have to acknowledge and work with to understand this communication gap.
8) Alway be involved with your partner’s culture
Both partners need to be actively trying to participate and have interest in each other’s traditions and cultures. It’s important to embrace these cultural differences and talk about them comfortably and frequently.
Keep an open mind, and don’t be afraid to ask questions. In this world where everyone is overly sensitive, you should still feel safe asking cultural questions in your relationship with your long distance partner without offending anyone. As long as you show your genuine interest, that’s all that matters.
Once you understand your partner’s culture more, you can understand how to communicate your devotion across both cultures.
9) Plan for your future together
If there are no plans for the future, how will either of you get anywhere? You have to be frequently planning for the future, or else you might never feel the confidence or the genuine need to be with your partner in real life.
Don’t be afraid to plan your future. In fact, you need to plan your future because you’re in for a wild ride if your relationship is crossing borders. It’s best you do everything you can to prepare yourself for the future you will have together, and be optimistic despite the challenges.
It’s also important that you manage expectations together. Find a middle ground and know what to expect from one another.
Conclusion
We strongly believe a multicultural long distance relationship makes you stronger than normal couples. These challenges that you learn to overcome makes you really know your partner in ways most couples will never understand and may not ever be able to achieve. Be proud of how far you have come, and know that your love story is going to be remarkable!
Maeve & Kart
Ram ram!
We’re Maeve & Kart – an introverted American girl with a love for letters, flowers, and chai on one side, and an introverted extrovert nature enthusiast Indian boy with a sweet tooth on the other.
Get yourself a cup of tea and a spoonful of chini and settle in.
We write for all aspiring travelers, folks in long distance and multicultural relationships, and those kindred spirits out there looking for advice on life in India as a foreigner.
As an American/Indian couple, we are currently living together in India in a cross cultural relationship as a result of one of few successful long distance love stories.
Come along with us as we share stories and advice on multicultural discussions, long distance relationships, and the beauty of travel.
Maeve & Kart
Our Long Distance Story
We are Maeve and Kart – a long distance married couple from America and India.
To all kindred spirits out there trying to navigate a multicultural or a long distance relationship, you’re not alone. Learn from our own experiences of how we finally found each other from across the world and remain together living with a blend of both cultures and languages.
Get a cup of tea and a spoonful of chini and take in the advice from those who have successfully created a strong cross-cultural relationship from a distance.
Come along with us for the journey
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About Us
We're Maeve and Kart – an introvert with a love for letters, flowers, and chai on one side, and an introverted extrovert nature enthusiast with a sweet tooth on the other. Get yourself a cup of tea and a spoonful of chini and settle in. To all aspiring travelers, folks in long distance and multicultural relationships, and those kindred spirits out there looking for advice on life in India as a foreigner - consider this place your sanctuary. As an American/Indian couple, we are currently living together in India in a cross cultural relationship as a result of one of few successful long distance love stories. Our journey is unique, and we're here to share insights and advice for anyone in similar circumstances. Come along with us as we share stories and advice on multicultural discussions, long distance relationships, and the beauty of travel.
