The Ultimate Guide to Safe Online Long Distance Relationships
Here is the ultimate guide for maintaining safe and healthy online long distance relationships. In this digital age, finding love online is not uncommon. It’s the easiest way to meet potential love interests and friends online, and almost everyone uses it.
But still most of us are unsure of where our trust lies online. All you hear is “don’t trust anyone online” “online relationships don’t work” and “online relationships aren’t real”.
Well, at least that’s what I’ve been told when entering an online long distance relationship.
It’s tough to work around these negative comments. You start to doubt yourself. Am I being naive? Am I making a fool of myself?
Well good, you do need to ask yourself these questions. There needs to be some doubt, because people are scammed online every single day, and you could be one of them.
However, if you are confident in your online relationship and you know that it is genuine, then don’t let anyone tell you that you are wrong.
Instead, look into these safety tips to make sure you continue to be safe with your online long distance relationship.
And if you are just starting out with your online partner, use this guide for navigating a flawless start to creating a safe online long distance relationship.
It is possible to find a real authentic and genuine love online. I’ve done it, and many others have too. Having faith in yourself and your partner is the only thing that will keep you together. Learn to fight for your relationship, as it has the potential to be the strongest relationship out there. So without further ado, here is the ultimate guide to navigating your safe online long distance relationship.
Is it safe to fall in love online without meeting in person?
So many people are turned away by the idea of online dating. They could be afraid of what people will think of them for trusting someone online, or possibly they’ve had bad experiences with dating online previously. Whatever the reason may be, people don’t think very positively of online relationships.
Society knows there’s more cons than pros to an online long distance relationship, the main reason being the distance. Especially since not many want to actually maintain such a relationship for long term, and in the end they don’t take it as seriously as they say.
Secondly, you don’t know what this person is like in real life. You will only ever know what they tell you and what they make you believe.
It is necessary that you understand why these relationships are frowned upon in order to be confident in your own relationship. Until you understand the risks and how to be safe in an online long distance relationship, will you be able to reassure family and friends that you are not a victim of an online scammer.
So let’s get into why people might make you a victim in an online relationship.
What are the reasons for online relationship scams?
People are scammed for many reasons, and it’s not always immediate. It could happen at any point of your relationship. Though this is not just a worry for online relationships. No matter what relationship you have, they could be lying to you for any number of reasons.
For an online long distance relationship however, there are three main reasons for why the relationship is a fraud.
- They are caught up in the exoticness of a foreign relationship
- Money
- They are just looking for a chance to leave their home country
Fantasy relationship
The first reason might sound a bit odd. But it’s true in some instances, that a person is magnetized by someone online for just the fact that they are from another country, making them exotic. It’s attractive for a person to have unique qualities to them and they build up a false perfection from their partner. They get caught up in a fantasy. And then when they see the reality of the long distance relationship, they can simply just drop out. These people lose touch with reality because an online relationship is not real to them.
They don’t know this person in real life, so they can create a fantasy version of them in their head. In the end, they’re not in a real relationship with you and they will take zero responsibility if they leave unannounced.
Money scammers
The second reason is obvious. There are plenty of people online using the excuse of romance to get money out of others. There are some pretty wild stories out there of losing life savings over a fake partner after falling victim to trusting such a person. But even if you’re not naive with money, you could still be a potential victim to a scam like this. Know the signs and be a cautious person always before trusting anyone with money or sensitive information.
The golden ticket out of their home country
The third reason for scammers to take advantage of you in an online long distance relationship, is the fact that you are from a different country. They see you as a means of escaping their own country for various reasons. Marriage is the easiest way to immigrate to any country. And if you fall victim to such a person, you are offering them everything they’ve ever wanted. Yet they have zero interest in you.
Finding trust in your online long distance partner
What can you share with your online partner?
You have to eventually be comfortable enough to share everything except sensitive information. Especially for online relationships you need to have boundaries.
Give it time and patience. Hold out on sensitive information that could potentially harm you until you’ve gained enough trust over half a year’s time at least.
It’s important to share your stories and your personality in order to make the relationship real. Open yourself up to them. And allow yourself to be your most authentic real self, all the while protecting yourself. It may seem like a thin line to walk on, but in order to know a person and have them know you, you have to be open with them. All in all, you must gain competency in your own efforts to navigate a safe online long distance relationship.
Is it safe to trust your online partner from another country?
The fact that a person is from another country does not condemn them to being automatically harmful to you. You need to keep an open mind. After all, it’s up to you whether or not you see this person as trustworthy. It shouldn’t matter where they’re from. If they are open and honest with you, you can potentially have a strong sense of trust in this person.
Do not let stereotypes keep you from meeting new people. Open up your mind to understand that people don’t always fall under the stereotypes of where they come from. You might not trust everyone you come across, but you shouldn’t lack trust in people just because they are not from your own country.
Obviously there are still reasons to be skeptical. Think about all the reasons why this person is seeking you out. What do they want from you? Be attentive to their behavior and their language to know if their intentions are true to what they say.
When you are confident in your trust with this person, don’t let anything stop you.
When is it safe to fall in love with someone online?
Do not share your feelings with someone online until you’ve both given enough time, energy, and dedication for each other. You need to feel self assured that there is a mutual feeling of wanting to spend time together. You also need to feel confident in your own faith in this person.
Take a look at the list of red flags mentioned later in the article to know when to be skeptical. And build confidence in your safe online long distance relationship with the list of green flags I have provided at the end of the article.
Are they who they say they are?
How can you avoid being catfished?
The only way to avoid being catfished is to be skeptical until you see all of the evidence. Make sure you’re consistently video calling and sending plenty of photos and videos of your daily life.
It’s also important to get family involved. Interact with your partner’s family and allow your partner to interact with your family as well. Social media presence is also reassuring. It is not a requirement, but it’s definitely a plus.
Red flags to look out for in an online long distance relationship:
Not enough evidence of a true relationship
- If they are not video calling and they keep giving excuses to avoid this, don’t pursue this person any further. They should also be willing to share enough pictures or videos with you.
- Not enough attention or time spent together. Schedules can get in the way, but you don’t really know a person unless you know everything they do during their day. If they don’t share enough about their day, that’s also a red flag.
- Not enough social inclusion and validation. If you are not being introduced to his family or friends, this is a big red flag. Being too exclusive can lead to a number of problems. Your relationship should not be a secret.
They are showing bad intentions
- They keep asking about things other than you. You need to pick up the clues of what they are actually talking and thinking about. If their focus isn’t on you, then they’re not up to anything good. That doesn’t mean it should always be about you, just that if they have more intentions than just to be with you, they’re using you for other reasons. Always be mindful.
- If they are constantly asking for favors (sexual favors/money), they’re obviously using you. They’re making you invest in the relationship, while they are not providing much. You are trying to make this relationship more solid and you’re doing them favors. You are putting in the emotion in the relationship while they offer you nothing. They are simply just using you. Always balance out how much each person is investing in the relationship. Before throwing yourself in a relationship, be mindful of these little things.
They don't accept the core of who you are
- Are they trying to change you? It’s common in online relationships to create an ideal version of their partner in their head, as they don’t actually see them every day. Pay attention to this, because if they don’t like your lifestyle or the who you really are, they clearly only like the version of you they’ve created in their mind.
- If it’s a long distance relationship involving two different countries and cultures, it should always be a two way street. You have to respect both cultures. The couple has to meet in the middle here. For a relationship like this to work, you always have to be respectful of each other’s cultures and be enthusiastic to be involved in each other’s lifestyles with holidays and traditions. This is important because usually these relationships don’t last with such a lack of respect. There will always be friction in your relationship if there isn’t an open mindedness. This can really hurt the relationship in the long run. Even if both are invested in each other, it’s still not possible to share your life with someone who doesn’t respect the center of who you are, which is your entire culture and background.
Maintaining a safe online long distance relationship
What are the green flags of a healthy online long distance relationship?
Is your online partner always there for you?
- There’s always be a sense of presence from your partner. A feeling that they’re always there for you. You can rely on this person because you tell them everything.
- They help give you solutions to your problems and vise versa. Having someone who listens and has a strong desire to help you, that means he cares. It sounds simple, but most forget that part of a relationship, and they don’t even notice their partner losing interest. As long as you get a sign of caring, that is a big green flag.
Is the relationship balanced?
- If it’s completely and equally mutual, then everything checks out. There should be a sense of giving and taking. In a safe online long distance relationship, you need to offer them enough and they need to offer you enough. This balance in a relationship will hold you together.
- Always have mutual respect and love for each other. Know that there are boundaries and that you do not break these boundaries. If you do, you lose trust and respect from this person. Talk about what these boundaries are with your partner. If someone crossed the line, it’s on you to let them know.
- There’s enough time and attention in the relationship. Both should put the relationship first above anything else, aside from family. Prioritize this person, and your time with them. If neither of you desire to do so, then the relationship is not worth venturing further.
- Interact with their family as much as possible to make the relationship more real and lively. It will give your relationship a sense of normalcy. If it’s not family, get friends involved. Relationships are never just about the couple alone. It goes way beyond that. You need to involve the people in your life with your online relationship. Be mature about this and be competent enough to maintain a sense of security. To do this, you need to be confident in your relationship and let others know how important this person is to you.
Are their feelings open to you?
- There should always be enough emotional attachment. Having both sides be invested emotionally is the only thing that makes a relationship an actual relationship. Having a mutual understanding for each other definitely helps in this respect. If you feel the emotional investment is not equal, you need to discuss this with your partner, as this is what makes or breaks an online relationship.
- Communication of course is the biggest green flag. You need to be able to feel comfortable and open with this person. There should also be assurance that there are no secrets or misunderstandings in your relationship. To do thins you have to be emotionally vulnerable, or else there could never be a loving relationship. Without vulnerability or open feelings, your relationship will never be real. This is tough in an online relationship, but that’s why building trust is important, and that takes time and patience.
Final Thoughts
What I really want you to understand is that your relationship is your own. No one else has the right to define it for you. If you’ve built yourself an online relationship with trust, dedication, and mutual intentions, it is your responsibility to keep the faith.
Take my advice to maintain a safe online long distance relationship, but don’t let anyone tell you it isn’t real. It’s up to you to determine that. Afterall, there are plenty of success stories out there, including my own. I wish you the best of luck in creating your own success story!
Maeve & Kart
Ram ram!
We’re Maeve & Kart – an introverted American girl with a love for letters, flowers, and chai on one side, and an introverted extrovert nature enthusiast Indian boy with a sweet tooth on the other.
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We write for all aspiring travelers, folks in long distance and multicultural relationships, and those kindred spirits out there looking for advice on life in India as a foreigner.
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Maeve & Kart
Our Long Distance Story
We are Maeve and Kart – a long distance married couple from America and India.
To all kindred spirits out there trying to navigate a multicultural or a long distance relationship, you’re not alone. Learn from our own experiences of how we finally found each other from across the world and remain together living with a blend of both cultures and languages.
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